We have referred to Aidan’s annual birthday extravaganza as Aidopalooza since he turned one. Urban dictionary defines “palooza” as an all-out crazy party; partying at one place with a ton of people like there’s no tomorrow. That’s normally the case. But this year, the tickets were VIP only.  We have no General Admission available for the hordes of screaming six year olds that are dying to get in.  This year it’s just family.

Even though this year’s festival is being kept to a quiet 20ish people instead of the usual screaming masses (around 60 party goers at last year’s celebration) I still have a lot of work to do.  It would be so easy to just have dinner and cake with no hoopla, but that’s not my style.  I like to make things a little bit birthdayish for the boy.

That said, this year’s party has no theme. WHAT!?! A kid’s party with no theme? I know, I am a terrible mother, someone call CPS immediately.  Prior themes for Aidopalooza include

• Getting Wild in the Jungle
• Sesame Street Comes to Play
• Mickey and Friends
• Return to Mickey aka we have a lot of shit left over from last year and the kid still loves the mouse
• The Death Star blew up in our living room and left all these crazy robots and aliens behind

This year the theme is simple. None. I need to run out for balloons and a few other fun things, but no trademarked aliens or fuzzy animals will be appearing this year.  Something tells me that he won’t be able to look past the mound of presents of Nana, Grandma, Auntie M and the SoromFour to see the difference.

It’s time to get my party on Dudes!

I would like to preface this story by saying that the WORST experience LW has ever had with a doctor is getting his shots.  Knock on wood, but the kid has never broken anything, never been seriously ill, nothing. Nada, zip, zero.  What I’m trying to say is that the child has absolutely no reason to be afraid of doctors or hospitals. None.  But apparently he is afraid….

LW took a spill in a bouncy house and started screaming bloody murder on Saturday afternoon.  After spending a few minutes poking and prodding him, we determined he could not stand on his ankle.  We thought it was a sprain and headed back to the condo for some tylenol, ice and the couch.  An hour later, LW’s foot was not very swollen, but he was whimpering and crying in agony whenever he moved his foot the tiniest little bit.  Rob and I thought it might be broken after all and we should probably get it checked out just in case, so off we went.

The minute we picked LW up and swooped him to the car he started screaming. “I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE DOCTOOOOOOOOOR! MY ANKLE IS FIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!” This shrieking was accompanied by many tears and a lot of thrashing.  We went anyway.

The events at Urgent Care may have been amusing if the LW had not been so honestly and genuinely terrified.  No amount of comforting and soothing would calm him down, instead we heard things like this shouted at the top of his lungs:

• I’m going to die in this place!
• These doctors are trying to kill me!
• I’m never going to walk again!

Two hours and five X-Rays later, he was still crying. Loudly. Rob finally managed to distract him with an episode of Phinneas and Ferb on the iPhone and the volume dropped considerably until the very nice doctor came over to talk to us.  She asked LW questions about where it hurt and every one of his answers ended with “….but don’t touch my foot!” He continued to cry until, turning his head to the side, he spied a little white bucket on the shelf.

“Hey” *sniff sniff* “what’s in there?”

I put the bucket on the bed beside him and he discovered dozens of plastic bones and rubbery tendons inside. The tears stopped immediately. Not one more was shed. Dry eyes. As he looked contentedly through the bones and tried to find an ankle, we finished up with the very nice doctor who told us he would get a brace and he would be fine.

We went home with two giant headaches for Mom and Dad and this fancy piece of footwear for the kiddo.

Did I mention that this happened on the Fourth of July? Yep. Fireworks? No thanks Utah, we brought our own!

That’s the one-word epitaph for my father.

While he was here, he loved – life, work, God, friends, and family. We felt it, always.

While he was here, he was loved.

Even though he isn’t with us here anymore, the love is.

My father’s legacy is love.

– “Huh?”

– “That boy had a bird on his lap.”

– “Really? You’re the one with the eagle eyes. Let’s go back and check.”

Sure enough, sitting in the gardening area waiting for his mother to finish shopping was a boy with a bird in his lap.

– LW to the boy, “Can I pet him?”

– Boy, “He bites.”

– Catching a hand mid reach, me, “That means NO!”

Actually the boy blocked the bird’s head as to prevent it from biting and LW did get to feel the feathers. Pretty thrilling.

Anywho….he received his diploma on Thursday night after an amazing program.  While the kids were getting their caps and gowns on, the school played a slideshow of pictures taken of all the kids throughout the year.  As I watched the pictures change and saw my kiddo age in the space of 15 minutes, I could not believe how much he has grown.  See for yourself! 

First day of school.  All packed up and ready to go!

 Crazy hair day – one of the fun “free dress” days the school has each year.

 Snow day, playing with Gage.  It might be the only snow day he ever has!

Our little award winner!

Climbing to new heights at the end of the year party

The graduate

Now it’s on to first grade and new adventures!  Rock on LW, keep flying high!

Unfortunately, G.M. and I had a little go around regarding a new benefit they’ve started offering with their subscriptions. Below is a transcript of the little customer service snafu.

————– Email #1 —————

—– May 19, 2009, at 11:50 AM, Geek wrote:

An invitation for subscribers only: GEEK DIGITAL CLOSED BETA

Last month, we sent out the first issue of Geek digital, and you were one of the lucky few who received it. Think of it as a closed beta that you didn’t even know you were in! Did you like it? Wanna stay in on the action?

If you renew your Geek subscription right now, you can keep on receiving Geek digital absolutely free every month, along with your copy of the Geek Monthly print magazine. That means you can read Geek wherever you may be — whether on a mountain top, the bathtub, or in the comfort of your limited-edition Hellboy-Aliens crossover bean bag chair.

Geek Monthly. It’s The Magazine For the Rest of Us.

Easy. Just Click Here

————– Email #2 —————

May 19, 2009, at 12:04 PM, Rob wrote:

I love your magazine and I really like the digital edition. I was able to use Evernote to put it on my iPhone, so I could read Geek everywhere.

I’d like to continue to get the Geek digital edition, as well as the print edition; however, my subscription doesn’t expire until January of 2011. I’d also like to wait to renew my subscription until mid 2010.

I hope this isn’t going to be an “issue.” (lmao – I kill me.)

Please let me know if I will continue to receive the digital edition. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Robert Williams
Geek Subscriber

————– Email #3 —————

On May 20, 2009, at 2:29 PM, Geek wrote:

Hello Robert,

Thank you for your email.  I apologize, but your subscription will need to be renewed to continue receiving the digital edition.

Best regards,
LaSheila
Email Support

————– Email #4 —————

On May 20, 2009, at 3:09 PM, Rob wrote:

Dear LaSheila,

Essentially, I’m losing this benefit because I supported GEEK Magazine for two years instead of doing it one year at a time. Now, I could just add another year to my subscription, but I think doing so would simply obscure the point of the dilemma here.

I appreciate the limits to this program, but I would think as a matter of customer service you could offer this benefit for free to those customers who renewed their subscriptions within the last six months for an additional two years, the subscribers with more than a year left on their subscriptions.

As a customer who would like to continue to support Geek magazine and who has shown a willingness to do so by taking the longest subscription offered on your renewal form, I’d like you to reconsider giving me the digital edition by submitting my request to the next level of management. Thank you.

Sincerely,
-Robert Williams

FWiW: my Blog, this is my first tattoo and it was inspired by ideas I found in Geek Magazine.

————– Note —————

I displayed a remarkable amount of self control in Email #4 because all I really wanted to write was,

“I deserve the digital edition for reupping for two years. You’re punishing me for being loyal. Your customer service is STOOOOPID. Add the digital edition to my subscription or shove the whole thing where the sun don’t shine.”

Whew! I figured diplomacy would be better than an ultimatum, and guess what…

————– Final Email —————

On May 21, 2009 10:24:30 AM, Geek wrote:

Hello Robert,

Your subscription has been upgraded to include both print and digital.

Thank you,
LaSheila
Email Support

—————————–

So, the morals of the story are… “Play nice and be persistent.” and “Companies that listen to their customers have happy, loyal customers.”

Thank you, Geek Monthly!

P.S. Sorry, dear readers, if I missled you with the title and made you think we’d already won this. The vote is still open there though.

He’s “flattened” his hair… with water even… whoa…

He put on lotion.

He used MOUTHWASH…

He even put on chapstick.

He’s “snazzed up!” … and won’t tell us why.

OMG… my boy is concerned with *whisper* “hygiene” shhhhhh

Forty minutes ago he was still a boy.

… a boy who grimaced at the sight of a comb.

… a boy who only bathed to play with the water toys.

… a boy who only brushed his teeth under duress.

… a boy who smelled funny.

… a little boy.

Now he’s “new and snazzy.”

We think he either has a hot date or he’s in the beginning stages of OCD.

Tomorrow, when we pick him up from school, I’m sure we’ll hear: “Yeah, baby, I’ll be in my Tonka by the curb.”

I’m worried. Pretty soon he’ll actually WANT to get dressed and borrow the car keys.

oh boy.

-Rob

If I remember correctly, Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas actually nominated me. It was so long ago, I can barely remember, and she is a bit delusional anyway.

Either way, I don’t deserve it, but I’m on the ballot now, so go vote for me…

… every day

… from multiple computers

Thanks.

P.S. If you vote for me, I promise to add more posts. School’s almost over for the summer, and I haven’t had a chance to finish writing about my first kiss… with tongue. Also, the wife is looking to put up a few posts that she’s had in the pipeline.

P.S.S. If you don’t vote for me, I’m going to post anyway. So there.

Have a good one.

-Rob

LW is a very sweet, very smart, energetic, lovable little boy. That said, he is also a big, fat weirdo. *What? Did she just call her kid a weirdo? Bad mom alert!*

Whatevs, he is, at least as far as food is concerned.  I had a conversation with some friends last night and realized that when it comes to eating habits, my child is a total whackadoodle. He, like most kids his age, gets stuck in food ruts. Right now he would be happy eating noodles and nothing but noodles all the live long day. As long as the noodles are plain, well maybe a little butter. Or ricotta cheese. Yes, ricotta. But he doesn’t eat most of the foods that are standard five year old fair. 

For instance, the kid will not touch a chocolate chip cookie. Hates the chips with a passion.  DigitalRob made chocolate chip pancakes last weekend and the kid ate AROUND the chocolate chips. Yep. He wouldn’t eat a marshmallow if it was the last food on the planet. I love marshmallows and could very easily live on their gooey goodness, but no…. We very rarely go to Burger King or McDonalds, but before you put on my “she’s such a good, health conscious mother” tiara, stop.  We don’t go because LW won’t eat chicken nuggets or hamburgers.  He wouldn’t touch a french fry with a 10 foot pole. If you tell him he has to, you may get this face

*BLINK*

*BLINK*

You read that right. Can you breathe again yet? He won’t eat kid friendly food? Whatthehelliswrongwiththiskid?Wheredidhecomefrom? I love fast food. A lot. Far more than is healthy for a person, but I do, so the fact that the child will not eat anything even if it’s packaged in a cute box and comes with a piece of crap plastic toy vexes me to no end.

What does he eat, you ask? Fruit. He will eat almost any fruit you put in front of him with the exception of honeydew (smart move if you ask me, I hate that green melon.) As mentioned before he loves noodles of all shapes and sizes and he will eat a few veggies.  Not the normal kid veggies. Nope, no corn, peas or carrots for this boy! Do you happen to have lima beans? Bring ‘em on! The kid will shovel them in until he’s ready to pop. Green beans? Sure, if you don’t expect him to eat the whole bean. He will peel them apart, eat the seeds and move on.

When we go out to dinner, his two favorite things to spot on menus are calamari and edamame. Yes, the child who can’t stomach a chicken McNugget eats squid. If we are out and all else fails, the giant soft pretzel will save us every time.

*SIGH* Maybe one day I will be able to convince him that hamburgers aren’t evil….just so I can sink my teeth into a Big Mac. Until then, bring on the calamari!

On Friday morning, I dropped off a very happy boy at school. Four hours later, they boy that walked out of the classroom was clutching a handful of tissues and trying very hard not to cry.  He managed to hold the tears in until he got to me and then the dam burst.  When I asked what happened, he managed to choke out “I got my name on the board!” between sobs.

A little background…..when the kids in Mrs. S’s class get in trouble they get their name on the board. If that happens, they don’t get a piece of candy or sticker from her little bucket at the end of the day.  Subsequent offenses earn check marks and if you get enough of those, you lose your recess.  

LW has only gotten his name on the board once this whoooooole year.  He hates getting in trouble so he was devastated. He wouldn’t talk about it and was sobbing so hard he could barely move so I picked him up and carried him to the car.  As I buckled him in I started peppering him with questions.

Me: Were you talking in class? Not paying attention? What happened?

LW: Mommy! I can’t talk about it!

Me: Baby, you have to tell me what happened. Either you can tell me or I will go back in and ask Mrs. S.

LW: Noooooooooooooo….I can’t talk about it.

I started getting worried even though I knew that if it was something really bad, his teacher would have told me when I picked him up.

Me: Pumpkin, you can tell me.  I’m your mom and I need to know when something bad happens to you.

LW: Fine. It’s between me and Isaiah. That’s all.

He and Isaiah have a history and are either BFF’s or, in LW’s words, “worst enemeis.”

Me: Did you and Isaiah have a fight? 

LW: No (sobbing hysterically again)

Me: Were you arguing? Was he calling you names again?

LW: NooooooooOOOooooooooooo

Me: Were you two chit chatting when you were supposed to be listening? You need to tell me or I’m going back in the school.

LW: OK, I’ll tell you really fast. So fast you wont remember. *sob sob sob* Isaiah and I weren’t listening because….because….*sob sob sob* …….

I waited – TERRIFIED – that something awful had happened.  After all, LW is a pretty rational kid. If he had done something bad enough to be so upset he couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t imagine what it was…

LW:  *sob sob sob* we…were….we were playing rock, paper, scissors. WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

*blink*

*blink*

Rock paper scissors. Are you kidding me? This is what he’s crying so hard about?  A silly hand game is causing this kind of devastation? Oh Criminy, what’s he going to do when he gets in trouble for a real offense?

I suppose I should be very relieved that my child is so devastated about getting in trouble that he will probably act like an angel for the rest of the school year, but I just couldn’t help but crack up.

I just put my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes so I wouldn’t laugh.  We’ve had a long talk about his obsession with his favorite new game and appropriate times to play it.  

Does this really look like the face of a troublemaker?